Виктор Миловидов - Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы

• Название: Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы
• Автор: Виктор Миловидов
• Жанр: Языкознание
• Год: 2010
• ISBN: 978-5-17-064604-3; 978-5-271-26535-8

Учебное пособие, ориентированное на совершенствующихся в изучении английского языка, основано на современных англоязычных анекдотах и смешных историях. Занимаясь с пособием, читатель сочетает отработку лексико-грамматических и разговорных навыков с чтением текстов легкого, развлекательного жанра.

Тексты снабжены словарем, грамматическим комментарием и упражнениями с ключами.

Для всех, кто любит английский язык и хорошие шутки.

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3. What did the groom look like?

4. In what manner did the bride come down the next morning?

5. What did the clerk at the counter ask the bride?

6. How long had the groom been saving up?

7. What had he been saving up?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:

1. The hotel was all abuzz _______ the wedding.

2. The groom looked _______ feeble.

3. The _______ was that the wedding night might kill him.

4. _______ next morning, the bride came down the main staircase.

5. She _______ managed to get to the counter.

6. The clerk looked _______ concerned.

7. You _______ like you've been wrestling an alligator.

3. Match the two parts of the sentences:

4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

5. Translate from Russian into English:

1. Жених выглядел весьма хилым.

2. Брачная ночь могла убить его.

3. Но, о чудо! на следующее утро невеста медленно спустилась вниз, держась за перила.

4. Клерк выглядел действительно озабоченным.

5. Вы выглядите так, словно боролись с аллигатором.

Revise English Grammar

В предложениях You look like you've been wrestling an alligator и He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years… используется форма совершенного длительного времени, имеющая весьма своеобразную сферу применения и отличающаяся от форм совершенного времени.

Проверьте, насколько хорошо вы владеете этой формой, при необходимости обратившись к грамматическому комментарию (раздел 12).

6.Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms of the verbs:

1. A small tourist hotel (to wait) _______ for the newly married since early in the morning.

2. They (to come) _______ to the conclusion about their age only after a long discussion.

3. The bride (to prepare) _______ for the wedding night for about two hours, and when she was ready, the groom (already to fall) _______ asleep.

4. She (to wrestle) _______ with this alligator since midnight.

5. I've (to save up) _______ money in the bank for twenty five years, and I (already to save up) _______ about ten bucks.

7.Render the joke.

Section 11 After the wedding night

A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well.

Her eyes went up and down and at about midway they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, «What's THAT?», pointing to a small part of his anatomy. He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, «Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night.»

And she, in amazement, asked, «Is that all we have left?»

Study the words and expressions given below:

to celebrate праздновать

newlyweds молодожены

to expose выставлять, показывать

midway на полпути

shy застенчивый

anatomy анатомия; зд. тело

amazement изумление

all night long всю ночь

to ask sb to please do sth разг. попросить кого-л. сделать что-л.

Exercises to the text

1. Answer the questions to the text:

1. How did the young couple celebrate their first night together?

2. What couldn't the groom find when he emerged from the shower?

3. What did he ask his bride for?

4. Who and what did she see when she opened the door of the bathroom?

5. Do you think she could control the movement ofher eyes?

6. Judging by the way the bride reacted to her husband's appearance in the bath, could you guess where she had been brought up?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:

1. They _______ their first night together.

2. What do _______ all night long?

3. The groom goes into the bathroom but finds _______ there.

4. He asks the bride to _______ a towel.

5. He is _______ his body for the first time.

6. Her eyes went up and down and _______ midway they stopped.

7. She asked _______, «What's THAT?»

3. Say if the statements are true or false:

1. A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together.

2. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no bath there.

3. He asks the bride to please bring a towel from the bedroom.

4. He opened the door, exposing his body for the first time.

5. Her eyes went down, and down, and down.

6. Well, that's what we had so little fun with last night.

4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

5. Translate from Russian into English:

1. Они занимались этим всю ночь напролет, снова и снова.

2. Он появился из душа, но не нашел полотенца.

3. Она отлично увидела его целиком.

4. Ее глаза скользнули вверх и вниз, и примерно на полпути они остановились.

5. Она спросила застенчиво.

6. Это все, что у нас осталось?

Revise English Grammar

В предложениях Не said, «Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night» и And she asked, «Is that all we have left?» содержатся фрагменты прямой речи, которую при пересказе или иных формах передачи текста иногда приходится трансформировать в речь косвенную.

Проверьте свои навыки преобразования прямой речи в косвенную, при необходимости обратитесь к грамматическому приложению (раздел 13).

6. Transform the Direct Speech into Indirect:

1. I asked her, «When were you married?»

2. He said, «We celebrated our first night together.»

3. «They are doing what newlyweds always do,» he whispered.

4. «I will go into the bathroom,» said the groom.

5. «Please, bring a towel from the bedroom,» he asked her.

6. «Where are you?» she asked.

7. «Why are you staring at me in such a way?» he asked.

8. «Well, that is what we had so much fun with last night,» he answered.

9. And she asked in despair, «Is that all we have left?»

7.Put the verbs into proper forms:

1. When the young couple were getting married, they (to decide) _______ they (to celebrate) _______ their first night together.

2. He said that he (to go) _______ to the bathroom in the morning.

3. Morning came and the groom (to go) _______ into the bathroom but (to find) _______ no towel there.

4. When she got to the bathroom door, he (already to open) _______ it from inside.

5. She said that was all that they (to leave) _______.

8.Render the joke.

Section 12 The groom's childhood diseases

Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time.

He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored. «What happened to your feet?» his wife asked.

«I had a childhood disease called tolio.»

«Don't you mean polio?»

«No, tolio, it only affects the toes.»

He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees. «What happened to your knees?» she asked.

«Well, I also had kneesles.»

«Don't you mean measles?»

«No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.»

When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said, «Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!»

Study the words and expressions given below:

toe палец ноги

to twist скручивать

to discolor обесцвечивать

disease болезнь

polio разг. полиомиелит

to affect влиять t

o remove зд. снимать

to reveal открывать

awful ужасный

knee колено

measles корь

shorts трусы, шорты

to gasp задыхаться, открывать рот от изумления

smallpox оспа

smallcox результат игры слов, наложения семантики слова smallpox на просматривающееся через контекст слово cock, которое в силу этого приобретает оттенки значения «маленький»

to get undressed раздеться

awful looking разг. awfully looking выглядящий ужасно

Exercises to the text

1. Answer the questions to the text:

1. What were the newlyweds doing for the first time?

2. What did the groom's toes look like?

3. How did he explain the condition of his feet?

4. What was wrong with his knees and how did he account for this fact?

5. When he removed his shorts, what disease did his wife suspect he might have had?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:

1. Two newlyweds _______ their honeymoon.

2. His toes were _______ twisted and discolored.

3. What _______ to your feet?

4. I had a _______ disease called tolio.

5. It only _______ the toes.

6. He _______ his pants and _______ a pair of knees.

3. Match the two parts of the sentences:

4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

5. Translate from Russian into English:

1. Он снял ботинки и носки.

2. Что случилось с пальцами твоих ног?

3. У меня была детская болезнь – корь.

4. Он обнажил ужасно выглядящую пару коленок.

5. Она оказывает воздействие только на колени.

6. Его жена открыла рот от удивления и сказала: «Не говори мне, что у тебя еще была и оспа».

Revise English Grammar

В предложении His toes were all twisted and discolored… используются глаголы в форме пассивного залога.

Проверьте свое знание данной формы, при необходимости справляясь в грамматическом комментарии (раздел 14).

6. Put the verbs in brackets into Passive:

1. Two newlyweds (to invite) _______ to their friend's house to spend the honeymoon there last year.

2. Just you wait! The shoes (to take off) _______ in a moment.

3. The socks (to dry) _______ at present.

4. My toes (to twist) _______ because of the disease I had in childhood.

5. At last the pants (to remove) _______.

6. His knees definitely (to affect) _______ by polio.

7.Transform the Direct Speech into Indirect:

1. His wife asked, «What happened to your feet?»

2. He said to her, «I had a childhood disease called tolio.»

3. She said, «Do you mean polio?»

4. She asked, «What happened to your knees?»

5. He said, «I also had kneesles.»

6. She said, «Are you having anything now?»

7. He said, «It only affects the knees.»

8. She asked, «Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!»

8. Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword:

1. (t…) палец ноги, 2. (d…) болезнь, 3. (r…) снимать, удалять, 4. (r… ) открывать, 5. (а… ) изумление, 6. (h… ) здоровый, 7. (w… ) бороться, 8. (g… ) стонать, 9. (b… ) невеста, 10. (а…) ужасный.

9. Render the joke.

Section 13 A couple at the zoo

It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are visiting the local zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless, with straps.